Tonight I went to a really great bread-making class. I felt my heart fill with all sorts of domestic desires and goals as I watched this beautiful homemaker gracefully knead her dough. And then I felt my heart sink as I thought about where I might fit a standing mixer in my tiny galley kitchen. I also stressed about how to fit a year's supply of food in our home that is already filled to capacity. I thought about things that I could give away and how I could use my space more efficiently.
Sometime after I returned home, I cried. I could see no end to our living in this two bedroom townhouse with said kitchen, chopped up floor plan, and renter white walls.
When I told Steve all that I was feeling, he reminded me of something that our bishop in Provo told us, "Be here now." That did the trick. I felt at peace. I know we'll be here in this home a while longer, but it doesn't matter if we leave it next month or next year, I still need to make the most of what I have right now.
I might still make room for a standing mixer, or I might try to make bread by hand, or I might keep buying my bread from the store. I will still prepare for the future and continue our home search, but as of now, our home is a block from the park, easy to clean, loved by our children, and shelters a happy family. We'll continue to cherish it and beautify it. I'm here now. Thanks for the reminder, sweetheart.
7 comments:
Home sweet home! Ie Li, I kind of know how you feel...we've never owned a house, lived in a 2 bedroom apt with 2 kids, never had color on our walls (does marker count?), now we don't even have any sort of home of our own...except in each other as a family! BUT...I must tell you...maybe I'm pioneerish, but seriously making and kneading bread by hand is the best! So rewarding and invigorating. I think kneading is a stress reliever...like one of those squishy stress balls they sell at stores! :)
I bought my first stand mixer when I lived in a townhouse and had just a smidge of counter space, and it was a great decision. I also love the entire ritual of making bread -- it is excellent mental therapy. Every day you live in that little house make me happy -- jeepers! I hope I'm not praying against you! xo
I feel your pain Ie Li, it can be hard living in tight quarters. I have to keep reminding myself what a blessing it is to have what I have. Thanks for your thoughts. I'm with Patty though, I am so happy you are still close by.
I know exactly what you're feeling! We were full to the brim as well. You never know what the future holds, but Steve said it so well: Be Here Now. I think I'm going to put that on a magnet and post it on my fridge. I sure love you, and miss you!
Hear ya loud and clear! Oh man!
I try to remind myself that even once I have a Bosch to mix my dough, or another bedroom to spread out the kids, or floors or cabinets or doors that I have picked out myself--there will still always be something that I don't have.
A healthy yearning toward a goal or two is good and I think is common with most people. But it's so easy to think all our problems will be solved once we reach that next goal. College, check, marriage, babies, check, check, car, house, job, student loans paid. Then there are the issues of body, skin, hair, clothes, a tendency to talk too much or not enough or not about the right things. Unwillingness to forgive myself for something I've done wrong, etc. etc.
BTW I really wanted to go to that bread class, but it was the same night as mutual...someday I'll learn from a pro! Because believe me my efforts thus far have not been pleasant.
This comment isn't really going anywhere except it is getting a little preachy...just wanted to say I understand and aren't husbands the best for helping us realize that how to cope best is not to cope at all, but to enjoy the circumstances. Someday we will look back with nostalgia. I actually love hearing my parents' stories about the tiny apartments they lived in and how my mom only had one maternity dress. Good times. :)
Very sweet. Some day that townhouse will be a treasured memory. Thanks for the reminder.
Thank Steve for me, too! haha I know exactly how you feel. It's hard for me to think that we will ever have a house, or that life will be any different down the line. Elden keeps telling me to enjoy things now because believe it or not, we'll miss some of those things later. I'm not sure I'll miss the noisy neighbors, but on the other hand, cleaning a house might be a little trickier than our apartment! Thanks for the pick me up!
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